By Dr. Jackie Pacella, PsyD

What is Social Anxiety? 

Social anxiety is more than just feeling shy or nervous in social situations. According to the American Psychiatric Association, about 7% of children, teens, and adults experience social anxiety significant enough to be diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder (also known as Social Phobia).[1]

However, this may be an underestimation. In a study from 2020, researchers found that around 58% of American young adults may have Social Anxiety Disorder.[2]

5 Signs You May Be Experiencing Social Anxiety

1. You become very fearful or anxious in situations where you could be judged by others (for example: having a conversation, meeting new people, speaking or performing in front of others).

2. You worry others will judge your behavior, especially if they see you “acting anxious.”

3. You avoid feared social situations, or you go to them with significant anxiety.

4. You experience more anxiety than would be expected given the actual level of threat in a situation.

5. Your symptoms cause you significant distress or disrupt your everyday life.

Did you answer “yes” to the above signs? Have you had these symptoms for at least 6 months? If so, you may have Social Anxiety Disorder. Luckily, there are tools that can help you cope with symptoms of social anxiety. These tools can be helpful to anyone, even if you only experience some of the signs, or if you’ve been experiencing them for less than 6 months!

5 Ways to Cope with Social Anxiety

1.     Face your fears. While you may want to avoid feared social situations, avoiding them can actually make your anxiety worse. People with social anxiety tend to overestimate social standards, as well as the social cost of not meeting those standards. Research shows that avoiding feeds anxiety because it does not give you the opportunity to test your assumptions.  On the other hand, if you allow yourself to experience uncomfortable social situations, you can re-evaluate the actual threat of a feared situation.[3]

This does not mean you need to start with your most feared situation. Starting small helps build confidence in your ability to cope with feared situations, so you can eventually do what you fear most!

2.     Reduce unhelpful thinking patterns. People with social anxiety tend to use unhelpful thinking patterns called cognitive distortions. These thinking patterns make it hard to see what is actually happening in social interactions. Some examples include mindreading (assuming you know what someone else is thinking), personalizing (assuming others’ behaviors are related to you), fortune-telling (assuming the worst will happen), and catastrophizing (assuming a social mistake will lead to the most feared scenario).[4] These thought patterns are unhelpful because our assumptions are often incorrect. It can be helpful to remind yourself that thoughts are just thoughts (that is, they are not always true). Next time you notice yourself feeling anxious in a social situation (let’s say someone yawns after you tell a joke and you think, “I must be boring”), ask yourself if there could be another explanation and replace the thought with an alternative (like, “They are probably just tired”).

3.     Avoid leaning on harmful coping strategies. Symptoms of social anxiety can feel hard to manage. It is common for people to lean on alcohol or other drugs to help you “let your guard down” in social situations. However, research shows that drinking too much can actually make your anxiety worse. One reason is biological: whether you feel hungover or not, heavy drinking the night before causes increased anxiety the next morning.[5] The second is psychological: drinking is avoiding, and avoiding anxiety does not work (See Point 1 above).

4.     Practice self-compassion. Self-compassion involves three things:

a.     Self-kindness (being kind and understanding towards yourself, rather than self-critical and judgmental)

b.     Recognizing common humanity (understanding that we are all connected by the experience of life, including suffering and fear)

c.     Mindfulness (a nonjudgmental awareness of our experience)

Research shows that self-compassion can significantly reduce feelings of anxiety. When our thoughts are dominated by self-criticism, it becomes a slippery slope. Self-compassion helps you break this cycle by directly opposing insecurities.[6] There are many ways to increase self-compassion. Visit https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/# for some science-backed guided practices and exercises. 

5.     Seek out therapy. Social anxiety can sometimes be hard to take control of on your own. Therapy can help you learn to change how you think, what you do, and how you feel. It is not a quick fix, but you may be pleasantly surprised by how helpful it is to get to know yourself better in a completely safe, nonjudgmental space.

[1] American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.)

[2] Jefferies, P., & Ungar, M. (2020). Social anxiety in young people: A prevalence study in seven countries. PLoS One, 15(9), e0239133.

[3] Fang, A., Sawyer, A. T., Asnaani, A., & Hofmann, S. (2013). Social Mishap Exposures for Social Anxiety Disorder: An Important Treatment Ingredient. Cognitive and Behavioral Practice, 20(2), 213–220. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cbpra.2012.05.003

[4] Kuru, E., Safak, Y., Özdemir, İ., Tulacı, R. G., Özdel, K., Özkula, N. G., & Örsel, S. (2018). Cognitive distortions in patients with social anxiety disorder: Comparison of a clinical group and healthy controls. The European Journal of Psychiatry, 32(2), 97–104. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ejpsy.2017.08.004

[5] Mc Kinney, A., & Coyle, K. (2006). Alcohol hangover effects on measures of affect the morning after a normal night's drinking. Alcohol and Alcoholism, 41(1), 54-60.

[6] Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind. New York: William Morrow.