Being in a relationship is often a big part of people's life goals. Most people want a partner and confidant, someone who they can rely on, and go through life with. However, being in a romantic relationship is also hard! It might involve navigating disagreements without a clear answer, or supporting someone while also experiencing strong feelings of your own. Common reasons for seeking couples counseling include:

• Difficulties communicating (e.g., fighting, not talking, not understanding each other, not feeling understood, having the same argument again and again)

• Addiction (e.g., drugs, alcohol, porn, gambling)

• Broken trust (e.g., physical and emotional affairs, hidden debt)

• Difficulty navigating big decisions (e.g., parenting, moving, careers, religion)

• Feeling distant from each other (e.g., lack of interest in emotional connection, lack of interest in sexual intimacy)

• Feeling dissatisfied with your relationship (e.g., having unmet needs)

The truth is that every relationship requires work and every couple faces challenges sometimes. Couples counseling is a space for you to learn helpful skills to navigate the normal challenges of a relationship. Healthy relationships take work, patience, and practice. Your couples therapist will help you navigate difficulties within your relationship with non-judgmental guidance and feedback that supports you and your partner in building a healthy foundation to navigate any issue you might encounter.

 What are signs that we need couples counseling?

Couples counseling can be helpful for partners who are navigating a wide range of experiences together. You may benefit from couples counseling if you answer “yes” to any of the following questions:

• Do you and your partner fight about the same issue again and again without resolution?

• Do your fights feel particularly hurtful, stressful, and/or competitive?

• Do you feel emotionally and/or physically disconnected from your partner?

• Are you not emotionally and/or physically connected to your partner like you used to be or want to be?

• Did something happen in your relationship that broke your trust (e.g., affair or suspected infidelity, substance use, secrets)?

• Are you and your partner going through a big life transition and want support?

• Do you feel misunderstood by your partner?

• Does it feel like your partner constantly criticizes you?

• Have you or your partner considered breaking up or divorce?

 How does couples counseling work?

At Old Town Psychology, we tailor our approach to meet the needs of each couple. Most couples benefit from an approach that combines learning new skills (e.g., communicating more effectively, balancing stressors) with space to work through issues in therapy and practice using these new skills.   

Couples counseling tends to focus on three areas: (1) strengthening the couple’s friendship, (2) helping the couple more effectively engage with conflict, and (3) helping the couples navigate questions around life goals and values. Some examples of evidence-based approaches that therapists at Old Town Psychology use to help couples come together, address and work through problems, and build a relationship that aligns with their values and goals include:

• Learning how to effectively manage and engage with conflict

• Learning constructive communication strategies

• Learning how to increase closeness and intimacy by deepening emotional connections

• Learning how to effectively manage stress, both individually and as partners