How do I make friends as an adult? 3 ways to find new friends.

By Dr. Kathryn Ziemer, PhD

Let’s be honest, making new friends as an adult is something most of us are struggling with right now. The average adult has two close friends, but 1 in 10 adults reported having no close friends at all.[1] In fact, nearly half of adults haven’t made a new friend in five years. [2] To put this in perspective, in 1990 33% of people reported having 10 or more close friends. By 2021, that number had dropped to 13%.[3] So let’s face it – most of us are in a friendship recession, and the costs to our mental and physical health are very real.

Why Is Friendship so Important?

A 2015 meta-analysis of 148 studies showed that social isolation and loneliness increased the risk of premature death by 29%. However, the same meta-analysis showed that having friends in your life reduced stress and improved overall mental health.[4]

Okay, so here’s what we know:

a.) Making new friends is hard

b.) Most of us are struggling with it

c.) Not having friends is actually harmful

The good news here is you don’t need many friends to reap the health benefits. Research shows that when it comes to friendships, quality > quantity. According to researchers at the University of Leeds, having high-quality friendships were associated with better psychological and physical health outcomes than having a large number of lower-quality friends.[5] Therefore, it’s better to have one or two deep friendships than dozens of fair-weather acquaintances.

Okay, so How do I find Friends?

So glad you asked! Here are 3 tips to help you make new friends as an adult:

1. Join clubs or groups that align with your interests. Focus on whatever you're interested in. This could be hiking, knitting, reading, sports leagues – whatever you’re in to! By joining a club or group with like-minded people, you automatically have a connection and a built in topic of conversation (the activity you’re all there for). Once the ice is broken, the relationship can blossom. ChecklistDC has a great list of social clubs, groups, and leagues in the DC area to get you started.


2. Volunteer in your community. Volunteering is a great way to meet new people and make a positive impact in your community. Look for volunteer opportunities that align with your interests, and you may find that you meet people who share similar values and passions. VolunteerMatch is like Google search for local volunteer opportunities – check it out!


3. Take a class. Taking a class or workshop on a topic that interests you can be a great way to meet new people who share similar interests. You see the same people for a period of time in regular intervals and form bonds organically as you learn and grow together. Coursehorse lists over open 100 courses in the DC area covering a variety of interests and price points.

 

In the end, it takes putting yourself out there in situations where friendships can flourish naturally. I’ll admit - it’s hard to do, but it’s also worth the effort. And if the idea of putting yourself out there makes you socially anxious, you’re not alone! Check out our post about 5 Signs & 5 Ways to Cope with Social Anxiety.

Dr. Kathryn Ziemer, PHD

Kathryn Ziemer is a licensed psychologist and the clinical director of Old Town Psychology.

She received her PhD from the University of Maryland and has logged thousands of hours providing therapy to clients at Old Town Psychology, the DC Veterans Affairs Medical Center, and the University of Maryland Counseling Center. She has also conducted research at the National Institutes of Mental Health and the Social and Decision Analytics Lab at Virginia Tech.